The Perplexing Puppy Project
by summerhuntresses
Summary: Lexa comes home one night to find Bellamy's dog loose in her building. It devolves into a mess of puppies, a very emotional Clarke, way too much of Raven and Octavia's sex life, and shenanigans.
Lexa was exhausted. Beyond exhausted, really. She'd been ten minutes from closing up the shop when a group of giggling girls had tumbled through the door, intent on picking out the flower arrangement for one of their weddings _right that moment._ No matter how many times Lexa had mentioned what time she opened the next morning they wouldn't leave, and Lexa wasn't willing to kick them out and miss the commission for a lily and gloriosa wedding. If she managed to pull it off her rent would be covered for _months_.

Walking up the steps to her apartment building, she had to stop short to fumble through her bag for her keys. It would be the icing on her perfect fucking day if she got stuck in the shop until eleven, miss Group Hang Night, and then get locked out.

She cursed and gave up, pulling out her phone and dialing Clarke. Hopefully her girlfriend wouldn't be smashed beyond all coherence yet and could, at the very least, tell her where they were so Lexa could join them.

The thought of tequila made her pause and sigh wistfully. There was a click from her phone, then a blast of noise hit her.

" _Lexa!_ Hey guys it's Lexa!" There was a crash, a short scream, and a faint ' _Woo!'_ in the background.

The girl in question winced, pulling the phone away from her ear and turning the volume down as far as she could. "Clarke? Everything okay?"

Clarke laughed maniacally. "Everything's _awesome,_ babe. Raven tried to do a triple flip off the coffee table and fucked up _so bad_." Before Lexa could respond, Clarke started yelling. "Hey O, just because she landed on you doesn't mean you have to fuck her on the living room floor, Jesus fucking Christ guys!"

Lexa blinked. "Clarke. Are you in my apartment?"

"Fuck yeah, babe! You couldn't come party with us so we brought the party to yoooooou!" There was another crash, and Clarke started giggling.

"Cla-"

" _Lexa._ I almost _forgot_." Lexa blinked, taken aback by the sudden intensity in Clarke's voice. "I have a present for you!"

 _Oh no._ Lexa recognized that tone of voice. That was the tone of voice Clarke had used when they had stolen kayaks from the MIT athletics department and paddled down the Charles - _naked_ \- to celebrate Raven's internship at NASA. And the tone of voice she'd had when they had released fifty-six paint-covered chickens into Jaha's house after he had disowned Wells for coming out. And the tone of voice she'd had when she had dared Octavia to race her across the quad. On roller blades. Naked. At noon on a Thursday during finals week.

Octavia had skated faster, but Clarke had won after Octavia had caught a glimpse of Lincoln and gotten distracted.

It was a miracle none of them had gotten arrested. A miracle, and the timely intervention of an incredibly amused Anya and a significantly less amused Bellamy. Anya had told her later that Bellamy had tried to get their sergeant involved before Anya had pulled rank.

All reminiscences aside, that tone of voice meant that something illegal was about to happen, and there was very little Lexa could do to stop it.

She sighed. "Can you buzz me in, babe? Preferably before the cops show up."

"Love yooooooou! Octavia, I swear to god-" The line went dead and the door buzzed. Lexa sighed again and pulled the door open, jumping to the side to avoid getting run down by a tiny fuzzy missile.

"Whoa, hold on there little guy. Where are you going?" She scooped the puppy up with little effort, holding its squirming body under one arm while the other struggled to grab its collar, throwing a foot out to catch the door before it locked her out again. Twisting the collar around, she grabbed for the tags jangling off of it, missing once but managing to grab them on her second try. "Augustus, huh? Who do you belong to?"

She flipped the tags around, reading the slightly worn words with some difficult. "Bell- you're Bellamy's dog? Since when did he have a dog?" Shrugging, she levered the door open and carried the dog inside, taking the stairs two at a time.

Bellamy lived a floor below her. Clarke had been very insistent that Lexa know someone in whatever building she moved into, shoving the ad into her face one morning at her shop. Luckily the brunette had loved the unit, moving in a week later.

Juggling the dog and her bag, Lexa hopped up and snagged Bellamy's spare key from where it lived above his doorframe. It was the work of a moment to unlock the door, toss the puppy in, and relock it. Replacing the key, Lexa turned back to the stairs.

The noise could be heard from the stairwell. Lexa grimaced, already thinking of ways to appease her angry neighbors when they inevitably complained the next morning.

The door sat slightly ajar in its frame. Lexa shoved it open, taking in the chaos with a practiced eye. Monty and Jasper were slumped on beanbag chairs in the corner of the living room (that had most definitely _not been there_ when she had left for the shop that morning). Anya and Echo were… arm-wrestling? Lexa shook her head. Raven and Octavia were, happily, not screwing on her floor. Sadly, they were nowhere to be found, which probably meant that she would have to deep-clean at least one room over the weekend.

A shout drew her attention to the kitchen, where she could see Clarke and Bellamy throwing their hands up in beer pong victory. Lexa made a beeline for her girlfriend, wrapping her in an embrace and kissing her deeply. The group cheered and Lexa drew back, flipping them off with one hand while the other tucked itself into Clarke's back pocket.

Clarke handed her a solo cup that she eyed suspiciously. The last time Clarke had mixed drinks they had woken up naked in bed. Which, admittedly, wouldn't have been unusual, except for the fact that Octavia was with them too. Also naked.

She sighed again. At least things hadn't been awkward. She threw the drink back and turned to Bellamy. "Hey, your dog tried to escape. I threw him back in your apartment. When did you get a puppy, anyway?"

Clarke squeaked. Lexa turned to look at her, catching sight of wide eyes before the blonde practically chugged her drink, coughing as she finished. "I'm getting another drink you want anything okay then love you!" Lexa was left clutching empty air, blinking at the back of Clarke's head as the blonde almost sprinted away.

Bellamy chuckled. "She has had way too much to drink."

Lexa just nodded.

The man shrugged, saluting Clarke's fleeing form with his cup. "She's got the right idea, though." He drained his cup and threw it into the trash. "Oh, and I got Augustus this weekend. Didn't I tell you?" Lexa shook her head and he shrugged again. "My bad. Thanks for catching him, though. No idea how he got out."

He drifted off into the crowd, heading towards where Monty was trying to get Lexa's TV to sync up with a Wii that was absolutely not hers. She sighed again, then went to look for her girlfriend.

Clarke was in the kitchen, mixing drinks and muttering to herself. Lexa sneaked up behind her and grabbed her around the waist, laughing as Clarke jumped and swore. "I think you said you had a present for me?" Lexa nuzzled into the crook of Clarke's neck, feeling her pulse race under her nose.

The blonde squeaked again. "Yep, yeah, I did, uh-huh."

Lexa pulled back to raise an eyebrow at her flustered girlfriend.

Clarke caught her gaze, stammered a few more incomprehensible syllables, then grabbed her by the collar and dragged her into her bedroom.

Lexa woke up the next morning with a naked blonde in her bed and two naked brunettes on her floor. There was a great deal of screaming, and she made Raven pay to steam clean her carpet.

After that party Lexa seemed to encounter a great deal of puppies. Whenever she was out with Clarke they'd run into them, and she had had to catch more than a few running out of her building the same way Augustus had. Strangely, none of them belonged to people who lived in her building.

A few weeks later, she had come home to find Clarke on her couch with a tiny jack russell terrier puppy. The blonde had found him on the side of the road and hadn't been able to find a tag on him. Lexa checked the dog over and found a bump in his fur from a microchip implant. She called Monty, who managed to rig up a QR scanner from his day job to read the chip. The puppy was returned to his frantic owner that afternoon.

Clarke cried. Lexa hugged her, in love with how the blonde felt so deeply for other people.

Two days later, she had come home to find Wells leaving her building in a huff, grumbling to himself and holding a squirming Great Dane puppy. The look on his face had been frankly terrifying. Lexa had made a tactical retreat, hiding behind a shrub until the man was gone from sight.

The next month Lexa had stopped by Clarke's studio to bring her lunch. She'd caught the blonde in the middle of a piece, though, and had to hang around the waiting area for a few minutes for Clarke to finish. There was a truly adorable pit bull puppy lying in a pile of towels off to the side, gnawing on a rawhide stick.

Lexa played with the puppy for over fifteen minutes before Clarke stepped out to greet her, peeling her black latex gloves off with a snap and discarding them. "Sorry for the wait, babe, Murphy is a total jackass but this design is gonna be sick. It takes forever to do the line work, though."

Her gaze dropped to the puppy at Lexa's feet. "Oh, you met- uh- Murphy Junior then?" The fingers of her left hand started fiddling with the ring she wore on her thumb, making Lexa's eyes narrow slightly. She knew that tell. That tell meant everything Clarke's Stupid And Illegal Idea voice meant, except it meant that Clarke had already had the Stupid And Illegal Idea and had neglected to tell Lexa.

"Clarke…"

The blonde cut her off, words tumbling from her mouth at at truly alarming rate. "Murphy just got a puppy and he didn't want to leave it alone at home so I said he could bring him here and he would just hang okay I didn't want him to be alone is that such a crime?"

Lexa blinked.

"That's fine, Clarke. Why wouldn't it be?"

The blonde pouted. "I don't know, okay? Now stop interrogating me about Murphy's dog and give me my food."

Lexa smiled softly, handing Clarke the takeout bag she was holding. "It's Chinese, is that-"

The door burst open, cutting her off mid-sentence. "What up, bitches, it's your favorite- what the actual _fuck,_ Clarke, you actually _stole_ the _dog?"_ Octavia stopped halfway through the door, one foot hanging in midair as she gaped.

"No way!" Raven shoved Octavia forward, making her stumble to keep her balance and ignoring the glare shot at her. "Duuuuude, that's hardcore. Mad props, man."

Lexa stood up slowly, turning to look at Clarke who was trying her hardest to hide behind the front desk. "I can explain?"

Octavia sniggered, but a glare over her shoulder shut her up quickly. "Yes. Please explain." Octavia cringed further and Lexa turned her attention back to her girlfriend. Her girlfriend who was trying to sneak into the back room while Lexa's attention was diverted.

Clarke whimpered faintly then straightened up, seemingly resigned to the inevitability of her fate. "The three of us went out last week when you were working late again. We got smashed-"

"- _really_ smashed-"

"Yes thank you Raven, really smashed, and we decided to walk home. We passed a house and saw this little guy chained to a stake in the yard. He was shaking and bleeding, Lexa! I couldn't just let him stay there." Clarke pouted again and Lexa felt her resolve wavering. She was weak for that pout.

Controlling her emotions, she turned to the two brunettes and raised an eyebrow. Raven sighed. "Griff started babbling about freeing the dog, saving it, doing what was necessary to save her people or some shit and O and I bailed. Called her a cab, waited for it to get there, then took off and I think we fucked in the park?" She sounded uncertain about the last part of her sentence.

Next to her Octavia snapped her fingers. "That would explain those weird fucking scratches on my ass!"

Lexa sighed.

Clarke came out from behind the desk, crouching to run a hand down the puppy's back. "I couldn't leave him there, Lex. It was atrocious. He didn't deserve that." Blue eyes looked up at her, all guilt gone and only resolve remaining. "I'm not bringing him back. He's mine now. I look out for my own."

A faint smile crept across Lexa's face. "That's why I love you, you know. That's why you're you."

Beaming, Clarke jumped up and began peppering her face with kisses. "Thank you! I knew you'd agree!"

Lexa laughed, wrapping her arms around the blonde and ignoring Octavia's exaggerating gagging in the background. "What's his name, babe?"

Clarke came to an abrupt halt. "Shit."

"You forgot to pick out a name, sky girl?" Lexa rolled her eyes. "No time like the present."

Furrowing her brow, Clarke thought for a minute. "Dante?"

Lexa shook her head vehemently. "I hate that name, Clarke. I hate it a lot."

Raven piped up from behind them. "Raven Junior!"

"Ooh, great idea babe. What about Octavia Junior?"

"It's a boy, idiots." Lexa's eyes hurt from how hard she was rolling them.

"Octavius!" "Ravenus!"

"Don't be stupid, you guys."

"Fish!"

"Clarke. What the fuck. You have betrayed me."

"What? I like fish."

"No, Clarke."

"Well I don't see you coming up with any suggestions!"

"What about Ryder?"

Clarke paused. "I like Ryder." She looked down at the puppy. "What about you, boy? Ryder?" The dog panted and wagged his tail. Clarke looked back up at Lexa. "Ryder it is."

Lexa smiled, hugging Clarke again. "Welcome to the family, Ryder."

"I thought Octavius was a _great_ name for a dog."

"So did I, babe. So did I."

"Wait, where are you planning on keeping Ryder? Your apartment is a fucking shoebox. Clarke. _Clarke._ I can see you behind the desk. Clarke _no."_

"God fucking- _fine_. But you're paying for any damage he causes. I just got my carpets cleaned."


End file.
